He Was Right

I have what many would consider a "difficult child". The words that have been used to describe Molly include: colicky, sensitive, needy, and high-energy. She requires a lot of work and keeps me very busy. At six months old, she still wakes up to 8 times a night. Sleep deprivation is my life. I will admit that sometimes I wonder why it had to be our family that would be given a little girl like her. By all accounts, my husband and I were easy babies- good sleepers, social, and calm. Honestly, we had expected the same in our child. Where did this stubborn little baby come from?!
I had a dream last night and I truly believe that God was talking to me. In this dream there was a little angel. She was stubborn and shy, clung to God and didn't like to socialize with the other angels. She was sensitive to change and God worried about her transition to life on Earth. How would she handle the different environment? Who could He trust to nurture this special little angel?
God needed a  mother who would meet stubbornness with gentle amusement. A father that would provide extra hugs and cuddles, while encouraging his little girl to grow and explore.  He needed a couple that would still love one another, enjoy each others company, and provide a healthy home, despite a serious lack of sleep. God looked onto this world and He saw me. He saw Josh. And He gifted us with an angel He knew would challenge us every day and provide us with joy beyond measure.
He gave us Molly.
He gave us the little girl who already knows how to give big, open-mouthed kisses. The little girl who will reach up to my face in the middle of the night and gently touch my cheek. The little girl who's smile could melt even the most hardened heart. He gave us chubby cheeks and tiny toes. A little girl who loves the bath, but hates the pool. Eats green beans, but not carrots. He gave us the most incredible gift of our lives. He knew that she was special, difficult even, but he also knew that Molly was the perfect fit for our family, and He was right.

Day 1: The Challenge

It was a bad day to start a challenge. Molly didn't sleep worth anything last night, she was fussy all day, and I haven't felt well. But I had committed and so I reluctantly began. The challenge, #writeandrun31, is to run and write every day in January. It's brilliant, really. An exercise of the body and the mind- to be both physically active and mentally creative every day. I absolutely loved the premise, but I knew that this would not come easy. After I put Molly to bed I dug through the closet and found my old running shoes, the ones I bought at a specialty running store during my time training with the Army Rangers. That has been many years ago and I am not even close to as in shape as I was back then. I couldn't decide if seeing those shoes squished at the bottom of my shoe collection should motivate me or sting, but I settled into a little bit of both and wiggled my feet into them. I didn't change into running clothes (it has always felt a bit pretentious to me- those spandex pants and tight tops. Like you aren't a "real runner" without them.) So I wore my clothes from the day- soft black leggings, a cami, and a cardigan- under my heavy winter coat with my husband's over-sized mittens and a wool hat. It certainly didn't have that athletic look, but I was comfortable and I figured that is what really matters.
I stepped onto our slick, snow packed road and broke into a slow jog. It felt awkward at first. My right ankle pulled slightly, my chest felt tight almost immediately, and my nose was frozen in the sub-zero cold. But despite all of this physical discomfort, a feeling of pure ecstasy rose up inside me. I was running! I was doing something for me. The fresh air, the squeaky crunch of snow beneath my feet, the burn in my lungs, were all somehow therapeutic. I had time to just myself. To think, to be. A realization hit me- I had been neglecting myself for far too long. I was scraping by in the care of me and I had forgotten how good it felt, how necessary it was, to to care for myself beyond the bare minimum. A big grin spread across my face as I jogged into the night. "Wow! This feels amazing" I thought.
 I ran for a whopping 14 minutes before I decided to call it a night, nothing special or admirable. But to me the victory was huge. I had broken past my wall of excuses. I had stepped beyond my fatigue and pushed myself into something I knew was for my own good. I felt totally refreshed when I got home. I was ready and excited to do the writing piece (the product of which you are now reading).
I wonder how many of you have also fallen into the trap of the bare minimum? Have you forgotten what it means to not only set aside time for your basic needs, but to love on yourself a little bit too? Ask yourself- what can you do today, and everyday, to go a little bit above and beyond for you.
Today was a bad day to start a challenge, but that is exactly why I needed to.